ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
