Me too!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You ruined the universe
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
