Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
