He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
