goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
