I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
