You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
