i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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