Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
