take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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