I'm so fucking centered right now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
