How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
