I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
