It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize