How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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