you would pick up someone in the library
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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