well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
