tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
