and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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