It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
