are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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