I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
