Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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