I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
