I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize