Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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