he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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