she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
