Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
PANTIES FOUND
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
