If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
