the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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