i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
