New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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