i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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