bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
