if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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