I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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