My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
