The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
