Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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