I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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