youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
