her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
