I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
