Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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