I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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