And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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