adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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