no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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