$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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