just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize