he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
