if only i could text you this smell
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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