her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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