Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
