my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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