Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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