someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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