so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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