did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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