I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
