I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Randomize
