what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
