Sry I called you an 8
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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