Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
