Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize