No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
