Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
