Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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