he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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