big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
