my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
