i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
