He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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