I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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