I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
