Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
