he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
