I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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