if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
