woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Randomize
