Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
