I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you didnt know i had herpes?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i now understand why vodka
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
