btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Terrible idea I love it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
